Cracks Basket
by Shiki's Favourite Pocky
Summary: I, Pocky, am a troll. Well, kinda. For one, I'm nice unless you want me to snap. And for two, I accept flames. Wanna take a break from all the angsty, serious Fruits Basket fanfics? This is the place. Come to the dark side – we have cookies. And a drunken Akito.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: For those who take this the wrong way, now's my cue to clarify.**

**None of these crackfics are along the lines of 'kio want 2 poy nd had new toylit pyper', but they follow the same general idea, except that I'll make them longer, include more original plot points and include spelling and grammar. I'll try not to offend anyone, but I may let something slip from time to time.**

**This is mostly inspired by Mach68's crackfic series 'PokeCrack' and a majority of the stories by Teh Future Mrs. Kyo Sohma, one of the best crackfic authors out there. Seriously. Check her out when you get the chance.**

**One more thing: This'll be set out pretty differently from my other Furuba oneshot collection, Bittersweet, mainly because crackfics are generally plotless. :p **

**This is your last chance. Can't take a joke? Get outta here.**

**Serious stuff aside, let's rock 'n roll!**

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One day at Shigure's house, Tohru accidentally tripped and fell onto Kyo, who promptly turned into a cat. After yelling at her for her clumsiness, he went outside for some reason. Tohru followed him, curious.

The cat sat on a mound of dirt and stared at it for a few moments. Then he reached a paw up to his nose, as though trying to pick from it. However, he couldn't get any goddamned boogers out. So, with a growl of frustration, he blew from his nose. And alas, there were now slimy green boogers on the dirt!

Tohru, plus Shigure and Yuki who'd appeared out of nowhere, looked on in horror and curiosity as Kyo then sprinkled some dirt onto his boogers. Then he took the dirt-coated boogers into his mouth and ate it.

That was when Yuki suddenly sang, "Everybody knows that Kyo picks his nose, puts it in the dirt and eats it for dessert!"

Since that day, that little song was used by little kids to annoy each other. Wanna know why Kisa stopped talking? It's because her classmates kept singing, "Everybody knows that Kisa picks her nose, puts it in the dirt and eats it for dessert!"

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**A/N: That little crackfic was partly based on what my ****_own _****siblings do. My younger sister came home one day with that little song her classmate made up, and when I heard it for the first time Kyo was used as an example. Still to this day, my brothers and sister sing that to annoy each other and I.**


	2. Chapter 2

I'm pretty sure that a lot of people see Tohru as a closet fangirl, right? That with her, nothing's as it seems?

Well you, my friend, are one keen observer. She keeps a fairly large collection of yaoi manga, doujinshi and hentai under her bed, and even drawn a couple of doujinshi herself. And because the Sohmas – well, most of them – respected her belongings, she was able to keep her secret under wraps for a long time.

Until Hiro got a hold of that green notebook of hers…

When he opened it up, he was scarred for life, and promptly fainted.

In every page of that notebook were rough sketches of two Sohma boys getting it on – there were even gay orgies in there. A lot of pairings and threesomes were included: HaruxYuki, KyoxYuki, AyamexHatori, KyoxYukixHaru… There was even a picture of Hiro himself, and Ritsu, even though she hadn't met either of them yet.

Soon afterwards, the notebook was discovered by the rest of the Sohmas, and Tohru was kicked out of Shigure's house.

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**A/N: Okay…**

***hides in hole***


	3. Chapter 3

Pocky was bored. And thus, she decided to look up fics on another Fruits Basket crack pairing. That's right. Besides the obvious stuff, Pocky likes crack pairings. She ships HatorixYuki, KyoxKisa and HaruxHiro, just to name a few. Today she was rooting for KyoxHiro. Yup. Let's smush the two guys with the biggest potty mouths together.

After choosing the appropriate filter settings, she clicked OK. In no time, four fanfics appeared! But out of those four, only two seemed to be worth reading. One was a oneshot about a bunch of self-insert otakus talking about their favourite shoujo anime. Pocky made a mental note to report that later. The other was also a oneshot and actually had something to do with what Pocky was looking for – but it was in French, and Pocky doesn't know it. Besides 'bonjour', 'moi' and 'oui'. And possibly a few other words she's too lazy to remember.

So she got down to reading the two readable ones. After that, she realised that the two Cracks Basket drabbles she'd written so far were based around Kyo and Hiro respectively. So she decided that her third would star both of them.

Now that we've gotten over all the boring stuff, let's continue.

So, we have Kyo, the cat we all know who picks his nose, puts it in the dirt and eats it for dessert, and Hiro, the sheep whose innocent mind was scarred for life. One day, Hiro was on his way to Hatori's study to request memory removal, when he spotted Kyo, naked after being a cat and doing his… routine. Yeah, we'll call it that. Show respect to the author's typing fingers!

So anyway, Kyo was nekkid, and Hiro got a boner. How, you ask? Anything can happen in crackfic world. Hell, look at all the impossible stunts pulled in 'My Immortal'! Hiro looked down at his pants. He, unfortunately, was oblivious to this mad crackfic world the goddess Pocky had conjured up, and so he screamed, "THIS IS UNLOGICAL AND DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!"

Kyo looked at him and instantly blushed, covering his own erection. His dick was a whopping 8 inches, even though Pocky can't find a fic where someone's dick is average-sized, no matter what, because apparently in fanfic world every guy's got a large, perfect penis that somehow doesn't pull anyone's vagina or anus apart.

For a moment there was that cliché moment where they stared into each other's eyes and there was romantic music playing in the background. Then Hiro randomly ran up to Kyo and kissed him.

After that, they had sex, and we'll leave it at that because the last thing Pocky needs is to become the next Tara Gilesbie when it comes to lemons.

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**A/N: So much for working on my other fics during my hiatus… this is the only update I got around to finishing T.T**

**This drabble, like the other two, shouldn't be taken seriously. Hell, I see Cracks Basket as a way to rant about the stuff I hate in fanfics – in fanfic form. **

**Shit, I think I just got inspiration for another drabble!**


End file.
